It’s Complicated
April 23rd, 2008 by matt
I recently broke up with Marci. I did it because, when it comes down to it, I’m an idiot who can’t figure out what I want.
I love Marci. She is a wonderful person with an amazing ability to laugh in any situation and deal with life with her own particular brand of aplomb. We get along really well. She picks up on my pop culture references and laughs like a good girlfriend should do. She’s an excellent cook and seems to genuinely enjoy doing things for me and making me feel good (especially when she plays with my hair or gives me a back rub). In short, Marci is a catch and I think any guy would be happy to be with her.
So why did I break up with her? As much as I love her, those feelings have not gotten stronger in the four years we’ve been dating. I don’t know if she’s the person I want to be with for the rest of my life or not. Shouldn’t I know by now? And if I don’t know, does that mean she isn’t? Or am I just being blind to what I already have? Are my feelings exactly what I should have for the love of my life? Or do the Hallmark moment type feelings actually happen in real life? Have Disney, Hallmark, and chick flicks warped my sense of what I should be feeling?
I don’t know. I do know that I’m scared to death of making a mistake and either being miserable in marriage or having to get a divorce. I don’t want to do either of those things. So I think the only way I’ll be able to tell what I want is to spend time apart from Marci. I figure I’ll either miss her terribly and realize I’ve made a huge mistake (and then beg her to come back to me and I’ll hope that some other guy hasn’t swooped in already) or I’ll realize that, while I love her, we weren’t meant to be (which would be a shame because she gets my humor).
So that’s it. I’m an idiot that can’t figure out his life. When I move to Raleigh in June, I’ll be moving by myself.
I’m sorry, Marci.
Jace wrote on 04/26/08 at 10:53 pm :
Bummer.
Well at least you had a girlfriend. And a good one it sounds like.
Consider yourself lucky. Unlike some of us Joe Six Packs. Now if you’ll excuse me I hear some internet porn calling my loser self.
Helen wrote on 04/28/08 at 7:01 pm :
I find this unbelievably disappointing. Ok so everything you have said here is absolutely valid, but why write it in a freaking blog? Sorry, that’s harsh - I just find it a bit shocking.
Marci sounds amazing by the way. It’s the hardest thing to break away from someone you love. In fact, breaking away from someone absolutely lovely is the hardest thing on earth.
I hope you both find happiness apart and then maybe even together again in the future. xxx
Everything Zen wrote on 04/29/08 at 5:44 pm :
Douche.